I could easily go sit on a mountain top and spend my days in quiet contemplation, just sitting in a beautiful spot in nature, under a tree maybe or by a gently babbling brook. I’d easily find my centre, my Source, I’d be in an eternal state of peace, in touch with God’s love in no uncertain terms, feeling profoundly connected to all that is. I know this because of summer days sitting on a secluded beach or walking through the bush, listening to birdsong and feeling leaves crunch beneath my feet – and feeling the serenity and bliss this evokes in me. But that is contingent on me being alone, or with myself! But get me into relationship with particular people in the world, and peace seems to trickle through my fingers like sand on that same beach!
One such relationship taught me a great lesson today. This person appears as if they think they are better than me at everything. They appear outspoken and extroverted, whereas I am quiet and introverted. I don’t feel I get a word in edgewise, and this person constantly seems to cut me off when I am speaking to let me know how wonderfully they are doing! It has gotten to the point where I ask them how they are and they tell me they are “amazing”, and it has now started to irk me.
Today, I found myself about to burst a fuse. I felt very distressed, out of peace, disturbed by my perception that this person had to rub my nose in how well they are doing at every turn! I felt ignored. I felt my body temperature rising. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I felt sad they didn’t see me. I felt sad they were only about themselves. I felt unequal. And I began noticing how trapped within my feelings I was becoming. How oppressed I was feeling and in this moment, there felt no escape and inside me something was becoming desperate. After some contemplation it became clear that it was actually my own thoughts ABOUT this person that were causing me the distress! Which was my first breakthrough.
So, I had the foresight to go and lie down and take a moment to collect my thoughts, to collect myself.
I realised that this person was alerting me to core beliefs that I hold, one is that dominant people can have power over me, which is just a belief. It’s just a thought I keep thinking, or my ego keeps thinking. I know it is just a meaningless thought because “I am as God created me” which is reiterated time and time again throughout the course, being the title of Lesson 94, Lesson 110 and Lesson 162! An important message, which I slowly began to take heed of.
Lesson 94 states: “Today we continue with the one idea which brings complete salvation; the one statement which makes all forms of temptation powerless; the one thought which renders the ego silent and entirely undone. You are as God created you. The sounds of this world are still, the sights of this world disappear, and all the thoughts that this world ever held are wiped away forever by this one idea. Here is salvation accomplished. Here is sanity restored. (ACIM, W-94.1:1-5)”
I realise that this person in question is teaching me to anchor deeply into Self, with a capital S, that unshakeable, stable part of me, the God part of me.
What this person is teaching me the most is that I am the one who needs to value my intelligence, to sink into it, to anchor into it, to know it, to be assured of who I am. I need to value my own contribution to the world. I need to remember the unique expression of God that I am, and leave this person’s competitiveness to themselves to heal, instead of feeling hurt by it.
This is all a reminder to me that I am just as loved as anyone else in God’s eyes. I don’t need to allow myself to shrink my self-concept down in the seeming appearance of competitive others.
This person by way of my projections onto them has taught me that it is myself who doesn’t value me, it is myself who ignores my needs, it’s me who deems myself less worthy than others, it’s me who thinks everyone else is smarter or more interesting or achieving more worthy goals, it’s myself who feels I am not giving enough or achieving enough. The other person is simply my conduit.
I am the one who needs to value my intelligence, to sink into it, to anchor into it, to know it, to be assured of who I am.
I suddenly realise that no-one else needs to boost me or soothe me when I remember that my worth comes from deep within me, a peaceful and loving sanctuary never beyond my reach, a well of Love so deep that the love can never run out. Home is just a breath away. I sink into it. I bask in it. And all at once, this person who had so much power in my mind, is just a loving partner in Oneness.
