I had a wonderful example of the Holy Spirit working through me a few days ago. It was regarding using the wisdom of ACIM in my interactions with one of my closest relationships. I’ve begun a process where I write down my “clouds” in my relationships that may be blocking the “sun”, or God. Peace is always my goal but I’d been noticing that unhealed parts of me can bubble up to the surface and get in the way of harmony from time to time and I wanted to resolve it. So, one morning, I diligently went to my journal and wrote up all the limiting beliefs, fears and ideas I have about a particular person in my life who seems to be able to push my buttons, and where I did not always feel peaceful (my clouds).
I then had a separate column where I tuned in to how my true self would see these clouds through the eyes of Love. This helped insofar as I really had to think through a different mind, God’s mind, rather than allowing the ego to be the only voice I heard. Although this new perspective softened my grievances considerably, I could also feel hurt parts of myself still wanting to see through the ego’s lens, in the name of being hypervigilant, in the name of “protecting” myself.
So, later that day, noticing my ego starting to run wild again, this time, I went and lay down and meditated as best I could to try to tune back into my true self’s perspective. I asked Holy Spirit to show me all the beliefs in my mind that were getting in the way of the relationship and getting in the way of me being able to see things the way I knew my true self saw them! I kept getting insights of hurts and emotions that would surge up, then away, and all the time asking for my misperceptions to be healed; my misperceptions that felt all too real. How do I forgive him for theseperceived transgressions, and more importantly how do I forgive myself for my grievances? I tried and tried and tried, for about 90 minutes, as I’d been so determined to “fix” this about myself! But, frustratingly, I didn’t seem to feel any better. The one insight I received clearly from my Inner Guidance was around hypervigilance. I asked Holy Spirit how I could be safe if I wasn’t hypervigilant. Holy Spirit told me that they would take care of me, and I could relax, and if anything needed to be brought to my attention for any reason that information would fall into my lap, I would be given guidance that I would not be able to miss, it would just suddenly be in my awareness. Holy Spirit wanted me to trust.
Then something miraculous occurred.
I heard my loved one arrive home, jovially. Part of me still wanted to hide away in the comfort of my safe haven within until I had found resolution, but I decided to get up and go see him. What happened next was utterly remarkable. This person that I love starts chatting about his day, and within 20 seconds he had revealed something about himself and how he sees the world, and how he sees me, that all my angst, all my clouds, seemed to evaporate into the sunlight.
I knew in that instant that the core beliefs that I had held about him, were more about me and my perceptions, my feelings of unsafety in the world, my sense of irrelevance I’d felt at various times in my past, all coming up for healing and forgiveness in the shape of this being that stood opposite me in the kitchen talking about his day! And I felt such gratitude to him in that moment for that deeply loving role he plays for me.
In that holy instant, I realised what I already knew but the clouds had tried to hide, that he is very good person. I knew that my core beliefs about him were what is requiring healing, and I knew that this was the answer I had been seeking in that hour or more of meditation. And, as Holy Spirit had reassured me regarding the matter of trust – the answer came out of no-where, it couldn’t be missed, and I had no control over it. It wasn’t forced, or imagined up. The answer was simply given. I had “given up” on trying to fix myself or him. I had surrendered. And Holy Spirit had answered.